TM Hotel Essen in Essen

If you ever wondered what it feels like to travel back in time, but without any of the charm… this "hotel" has the answer. The furniture proudly announces it hasn’t seen a renovation since before the Berlin Wall came down. The dust levels were so ambitious that I developed a brand new allergy. Surprise souvenirs, yay.
The mattress springs were broken so we got NO sleep, and the towels were so stiff they could probably be used as building materials. We found a razor and a toothbrush from the previous guests, so apparently this hotel promotes recycling in the most horrifying way imaginable.
Service was theoretical. The receptionist was rumored to exist but never actually spotted. We checked out with a "cleaning" lady (?!) and a mystery man who may or may not have worked there. Hard to say.
Breakfast? Please. Don’t make me laugh. Nothing included except existential dread. Silver lining - we wouldn't eat there even if it was offered for free.

And the price? Over 300€ per night for two people!! During Spiel, sure… but even Monopoly money would feel too generous here. We escaped as soon as possible and found a different place where sleep actually exists.

Final verdict: avoid unless you’re specifically into discomfort, dust, and disappointment. Don't trust the photos on web/booking.