Hotel Colonial Mar

Just got back from a week at this hotel and usually I'm sad to leave, in this case I couldn't wait to get home.
Firstly, we arrived at the hotel at around 9.45. Instead of checking us in quickly and letting us go for food (which is served till 10.30) they told us they would put on a special spread for us and to come back at 11. We went for a walk and came back to what I can only describe as some cold leftovers. There was around 60 of us all crammed around this tiny serving station trying to get food. In the end I gave up and went to get a beer from the self serve beer taps but the damn taps had been removed! We couldnt even get a coke because as a member of staff informed me the all-inclusive stopped at 11pm!
The room was okay. It was clean and tidy and the bathroom and shower were very nice. The problem is all the rooms have 2 double beds. My 12 and 9 year old boys will not share a bed without a lot of drama so me and my wife had to separate. The balcony was okay but pretty small and no rack to hang the towels on so they were hung over the balcony which risked them dropping off (£20 deposit EACH TOWEL!).
The next day we went down for breakfast which was absolute bedlam. That dining room is nowhere near big enough for the size of the hotel. There was no room to even walk around. The food was as you'd expect, not terrible, not great either. The worst part was the pathetic toasters. They were much smaller than the ones I'd seen in other hotels so the bread came out very quick and barely toasted. You had to put it through 5 times.
The pool area is pretty much the only thing this hotel has got going for it. The slides are great and were used all day by kids and adults alike. We never struggled to get sunbeds either.
Having not had much breakfast we were looking forward to using the snackbar when it opened at 12. We went searching for it and eventually found it.....in the same restaurant they serve breakfast, lunch and dinner. It turns out rather than having a separate snack bar by the pool like most hotels they just serve it in between meals. Not a big deal except it meant you had to get dressed as you couldn't go in the restaurant in your swimwear. The food in there was alright. Burgers, hot dogs, and chips which they often managed to burn.
After that we went to the main bar to get some drinks. The queue was about 20 metres long. It was then I realised that you have to get all your drinks from the bar. Every other all inclusive hotel I've been to has a few self service stations where you can get beer, soft drinks, coffee, and fridges full of water. It took around 20 minutes to get served. That was it for the rest of the holiday. Unless you were lucky you would have to queue for a while. The beer was nice though, I just don't understand why you dont have self service taps and take the weight off your staff.
Lunch was the usual free for all. We tried going at different times of the lunch service to try to find a quiet time but there isn't one. It was always crazy busy. By the way, the Spanish people were lovely. The hotel was probably around 85% Spanish and they were all very nice. Their kids however are rude as hell! Always pushing in front of you (this was also true on the slides).
Dinner was just like lunch. Absolute chaos. The food was hit and miss. Some things were very nice, some things were dreadful.
The evening's entertainment was much later than we were used to at other hotels. The kids mini disco was at 9.30 but didn't start till almost 10. This meant that the main act didn't start till around 10.45 - 11pm but guess what, the all inclusive bar stops at 11pm so you can watch the magician (who was very very good) but you can't have a few beers while you're doing it.
I was planning on giving this hotel a 2 star review but after a nasty encounter with a receptionist on the last day I'll be lowering it to 1 star, I'd give it zero stars if I could and I'll be making a formal complaint with Jet 2
Would I stay here again? Not even if it was free.

The hotel is ok. Reception is friendly and efficient. The room is good and the bathroom is standard but perfectly adequate. Good size terrace with sea view. This hotel has package tours on a daily basis. Most people are well behaved but some are not. The biggest downfall of this hotel is the food. The cooked food is terrible, and often cannot decide what it is. The wine in the restaurant is similar to cooking wine. Breakfast is also terrible. The only food that I found edible was melon and pineapple. So we looked for local
restaurants to eat.