Hotel Quinta da Penha de França in Funchal

An absolutely terrible hotel.

1. First off, there are two hotels: one beachfront, one with garden views. The address listed on Ctrip was for the garden view property, not the beachfront one, which caused us to go to the wrong location. We ended up walking for ages to reach the actual hotel. To make matters worse, every time I tried to book an Uber, the hotel simply wouldn't show up in the app. Beyond frustrating!
2. Upon check-in, I was assigned a room at the very end of the corridor. You could practically see right into the room from outside, which meant we had to keep the curtains drawn constantly.
3. The room itself was horrendous! All the facilities looked like they belonged in the 1980s. Even the towels felt like they'd been used for a century, completely worn out and faded. To top it off, there were no dental kits provided.
4. The location was absolutely awful! The soundproofing was incredibly poor; you could hear every car passing by on the street, and even people walking and talking in the corridor were crystal clear.
5. And finally, the staff were incredibly unhelpful. It felt like they couldn't understand even the most basic requests.